i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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