I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
