I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
