i permit you to call me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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