Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
