i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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