My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
