When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
