I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
