oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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