He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
