we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
