My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
