Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
