I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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