A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
