I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
