Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
