well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
