Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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