I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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