When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they're like a gay fantastic four
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
