Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
