Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
