Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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