I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
