last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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