I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
