I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she peed on how many people?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize