I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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