so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
