And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
