Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
