My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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