If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
