Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
