I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
