He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize