FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
