rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
