I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
