you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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