i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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