thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
