The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
