You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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