Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
