I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
