i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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