I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
