I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
