I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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