Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
