Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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