I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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