i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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