you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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