Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
