so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
