he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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