I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
