we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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