UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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