it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do herpes really smell.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
