just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
