Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
