Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
