There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
