Cold hands, warm shart.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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