You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
