We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
