I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
