have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
