There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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