Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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