"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
